DEC 4 — As the Year of the Dragon draws to a close, many of us may find ourselves on wedding guest lists. Receiving a wedding invitation often brings up important questions, like “What should I wear?” and, perhaps most crucially, “How much angpow should I give?”
In this modern era, a Chinese wedding invitation often carries an implicit expectation that guests should give angpow (red packets) as monetary gifts. Such an expectation has gradually placed a financial obligation on guests. This transforms the symbolic act of angpow giving into a more economic transaction akin to ‘paying for a seat’. As social norms surrounding ‘face’ influence both wedding hosts and guests, the pressure to conform to these expectations often leads to financial strain on both sides.
The concept of ‘face’ is essential to understanding this social pressure. Originating in Chinese culture, referred to as 脸 (liǎn) and 面子 (miànzi), the concept was later developed by Western sociologists and linguists, such as Erving Goffman, Penelope Brown, and Stephen Levinson. They describe ‘face’ as a person’s self-image, which includes positive face – the need to be admired, respected, and approved of, and negative face – the desire for freedom without social imposition.
‘Face’ remains a crucial aspect of Chinese culture. At Chinese wedding ceremonies, hosts often strive to enhance positive face by holding lavish banquets, while guests feel pressured to maintain face by giving angpow as a sign of respect. The social expectation has led many couples to feel obligated to host grand wedding ceremonies in upscale venues, such as hotel ballrooms or high-end restaurants. Lavish feasts featuring lobsters, abalones, shark’s fin soup, and expensive alcohol are sometimes chosen not only to celebrate but to impress guests and display social status. However, these choices come with steep costs, which often leads couples to rely heavily on the angpow contributions from guests to cover their wedding expenses.
For guests, receiving an invitation to such a wedding often carries the unspoken obligation to contribute a certain rate through angpow. Although most wedding invitation cards do not specify an amount or explicitly request angpow, social norms suggest a need to give an amount that matches the perceived value of the event. If a wedding banquet is held at a five- star hotel, for example, there is often an unspoken obligation to give an amount that reflects the luxury of the venue, typically far more than what some guests can afford.
Traditionally, angpow giving symbolises blessings, well-wishes, and a sense of solidarity among families and friends. The monetary gift represents a shared commitment to honouring and supporting each other’s important life events. However, the focus on angpow value at weddings has now transformed this gift into something resembling a ticket to the celebration rather than a gesture of goodwill.
At wedding banquets, guests commonly present angpows at an entrance registration table. Typically, they return their invitation envelope filled with money or provide a separate angpow with their names attached. This process allows hosts to track contributions, sometimes even with a list recording the amounts given. Such visibility heightens guests’ concern for their social image and can influence the amount they feel obligated to give. In one incident in 2023 in Singapore, it was reported that a bride asked guests to identify their angpows after the wedding, as some envelopes were without names. This level of scrutiny can introduce social pressure on guests to give beyond their means, partly out of a desire to ‘save face’ and meet social expectations.
The pressure surrounding angpow giving was also highlighted in a recent incident in Malaysia, where a woman publicly expressed disappointment at the contributions from her wedding guests. She felt that the angpow she received was insufficient to cover the cost of her lavish wedding, particularly after one guest attended with a child and gave a contribution that she felt was too low. By sharing a breakdown of her expenses, the woman implied that guests should have contributed more. This reflects a shift from the traditional idea of angpow as a blessing to a means of financially supporting the event.
The social pressure created by angpow giving is particularly challenging for individuals facing financial constraints, such as retirees and those with limited incomes. Furthermore, declining to attend a wedding or failing to give an angpow can be seen as a face-threatening act, potentially harming relationships and leading to social disharmony. As a result, many guests feel compelled to spend significantly, even if doing so imposes a financial burden on them.
Ultimately, wedding ceremonies should be about honouring the union of two people and sharing joy with loved ones, rather than serving as an economic transaction. Couples can help reduce social pressure by clarifying in the wedding invitation cards that angpow giving is optional and should be within guests’ financial means. Ideally, wedding costs should reflect what the couple can afford without relying on guest contributions. In this way, angpow giving can return to its roots as a meaningful, voluntary gesture, rather than an unspoken financial obligation. Those who cannot afford the expenses of a lavish wedding ceremony should reconsider their choice and opt for a celebration within their means.
If not, there is a saying in Malaysia: “If no money, don’t get married-lah!”
* The author is a senior lecturer at Faculty of Languages and Linguistics, Universiti Malaya, and can be reached at [email protected]
** This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of Malay Mail.
