TODAY’s journalist Kong Kit Yan shares: Why my mum avoided exercise despite health issues — and how I discovered the key to motivating her
SINGAPORE, Aug 11 — Around the time my mum had to undergo two surgeries after experiencing numbness in her right arm, I started urging her to exercise to maintain her health and improve her quality of life.
This urge intensified when she began struggling with basic movements, such as sitting down and standing up, due to knee pain.
Whenever we talked about travelling or taking walks in nature reserves, she would say: “I can’t do activities like these anymore. My knee will hurt.”
I replied each time: “That’s exactly why you need to start exercising. It will help with your knee pain.”
However, despite my mum acknowledging my advice with a resigned sigh, our conversations never led to action.
It was not entirely unexpected. I’ve heard from my friends how difficult it can be to persuade their parents to get out of their comfort zone, be it for exercising, getting their medical check-ups or being socially active.
One friend even told me that her father doesn’t believe in health check-ups because “if it’s my time to go, it’s my time to go”.
What can we, as their children, do about this?
Do our parents need to be compelled, just like how my mum once “forced” me to take piano lessons when I was a kid because she thought it would be good for me?
I sought advice from fitness experts and personal trainers who specialise in working with older adults, hoping to find a way to start my mum on a regime to arrest her pains and help my friends to encourage their parents to do the same.
Understand their concerns
Speaking to several trainers, I learnt that seniors are often aware of the importance of staying active.
However, there may be factors such as limited mobility, difficulties in getting to the venue due to distance or lack of accessibility features such as lifts or ramps, and a lack of free time to take part in activities due to other commitments such as caregiving for their spouses or grandchildren.
Psychologically, there is the fear of getting injured.
Seniors with a more introverted personality also tend to find group activities unattractive or overwhelming.
Melissa Heng of Thrive Healthcare, a firm specialising in physiotherapy and rehabilitation, said that such fears could reduce seniors’ confidence and hinder them from taking that first step.
Alfred Yaap, lead fitness trainer at NTUC Health’s Senior Gym, said that many elders who have not been active or have led mostly sedentary lives may not know where to start.
And for those with chronic conditions such as diabetes, hypertension or osteoarthritis, they may be uncertain about how to exercise safely without exacerbating their joint pain, for instance.
“Many of them would benefit from an exercise plan, customised to their health goals and current physical abilities to support them in starting to get more active.”
For starters, the Health Promotion Board and national sports governing body Sport Singapore recommend 150 to 300 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic exercise a week for older adults aged 65 and above, as well as muscle strengthening and balance improvement activities at least three days a week.
Those who are reluctant to join social activities or get their health checked may be afraid of embarrassment (having to answer topics they dislike), bringing inconvenience to themselves and others, or simply not seeing the need to leave their homes.
To help seniors overcome such fears, Dr Lily Yeo, head of active ageing centres under NTUC Health, stressed the importance of understanding the sources of their anxiety and identifying motivating factors.
For those with pre-existing medical conditions and who are uncertain about their physical capabilities, the trainers suggested consulting doctors to better understand their body’s limits or signing up for classes with trained physiologists who know how to work around existing injuries or health problems.
“Taking small steps also plays a significant part in building confidence, and more importantly, understanding what motivates them can also help them look forward to staying active,” Ms Heng said.
“Some older adults in their 50s start thinking about travelling, so there is a strong reason to motivate them to start.”
How can children help?
Sedentary seniors, set in their routines, often resist new activities and initially respond with reluctance.
As their children, it’s important for us to help kickstart this process.
For example, Heng said that her father suffered a stroke at 60 and became increasingly inactive after retiring at 64.
“As a father figure who worked the majority of his life, retirement led to a sedentary lifestyle, with a lot of time spent at home.
“I could see that his walking slowed down, and his mental state wasn’t as sharp as before.”
Refusing to see his condition deteriorate, Heng decided to sign him up for a seniors group functional fitness class so that he would have a reason to get out of the house.
“I was confident that organically, he would also foster friendship and camaraderie with the other participants. He took it well, turned up for class and has been going for it for the past half a year now.”
Yaap was on the same page. He said that children offering support and encouragement while leveraging their parents’ strengths was a good way to get the ball rolling.
“It’s important that both child and parent engage in activities they find enjoyable to ensure long-term commitment. For instance, if they both enjoy badminton, they can play at a slower pace or in doubles to benefit from the game without risking overexertion or injury,” he added.
“If a senior enjoys walking, gradually progressing to brisk walking is a realistic and achievable goal.”
Janice Chia, founder of Aspire55, a social health club for those aged over 50, said that children can commit time to help their parents discover opportunities for community programmes, as well as social and physical activities, ideally within 1km to 2km walking distance of their homes.
“Singapore has many active ageing centres... It’s about taking time to have conversations with their parents and discovering what they enjoy or would like to learn.”
Avoid being the ‘naggy parent’
Chia said that seniors are usually open to exploring new activities when their children gently and consistently encourage them instead of nagging them.
“If children take on the role of a naggy parent, they will experience strong pushback and resistance from parents to try new things.”
Realising this, I have since tried to adopt a more positive approach by exercising with my mum instead of constantly asking her to do it on her own.
I began inviting her to swim with me, and over time, she slowly started to enjoy the activity, even if she only swam a few laps.
She has even begun to initiate swimming sessions herself, and I always agree before her motivation wavers.
Now, instead of taichi-ing (pushing off) the responsibility of taking care of her health, she has joined taichi classes with my aunt, which has become a steadfast Sunday routine for her.
I hope she keeps this up. — TODAY
