KUALA LUMPUR, Aug 9 — Most would imagine that sexual abuse would already be traumatic in itself, but for male victims, there can also be the loneliness and isolation of not being believed.
The male-centric view of sexual abuse meant many male victims often had to convince their parents about being attacked, suffering the additional ignominy of dismissal and accusations from the very family members with whom they should feel safest.
However, Klang-born filmmaker Joshua Inberaj, 30, is determined to encourage open conversations on the taboo topic with his documentary film, “Nothing Gentle in the Shadows”.
The film, funded by the Freedom Film Network, narrates the previously untold stories of three male victims who survived sexual abuse — including Joshua — by revisiting the spaces where they were violated.
In Joshua’s case, an extended family member who was a teenager had sexually abused him when he was only six years old. Joshua was unable to comprehend the incident then, let alone articulate it to his parents.
The ordeal, however, distorted his view of sex and sexuality until lightning struck a second time.
When he was 12, his tuition teacher used to physically and verbally abuse him. When Joshua reached puberty, however, the teacher suddenly became affectionate and began behaving sexually inappropriately with Joshua whenever they were alone.
“Throughout my teenage years, I kept second-guessing myself, wondering what I did to cause my tuition teacher to do this to me.
“So, I purposely wore baggy clothes so that I don’t attract people’s attention.
“Whenever things didn’t go right in my life, I told myself that I was being punished for allowing the incidents to happen,” Joshua told Malay Mail.
Joshua later learned that the teacher had also sexually abused other boys from the classes.
But instead of believing the boys, however, Joshua said there was one case where the parents made their son undergo a ritual cleansing at a temple rather than confront the teacher. No police report was also made over the alleged assault.
Seven years ago, Joshua said he saw the same teacher at a fast-food outlet, again in the company of young boys.
“I searched him up on Facebook and messaged him, asking if he was still abusing boys. He said he still does it because ‘the boys like it’. I never contacted him again after that,” he said.
Joshua said “Nothing Gentle in The Shadows” also highlights the lack of adequate laws to support male victims and the patriarchal mindset that still made sexual violence against males taboo.
“People just expect men to man up. And, I always felt that the victims’ silence emboldens the perpetrators to keep abusing other boys,” he said.
According to Joshua, making the documentary was a healing experience as he was able to connect with others who had similar experiences.
One of them was Kevin Chan, a 40-year-old medical assistant at the Pink Triangle Foundation that provides HIV/AIDS education, prevention, care and support for vulnerable groups.
Chan, born into a fragmented family in Kuala Kurau, Perak, grew up primarily with his grandparents and neighbours, but at some points came under the care of foster families.
Having experienced sexual violence and workplace discrimination due to his sexual orientation, Chan became determined to create safe space for vulnerable groups and encourage conversations about taboo topics.
“People don’t know how to react when we (male sexual violence victims) open up. Some people don’t even hear it. It’s a “don’t ask, don’t tell” situation.
“When I first told my story, I was punished. So, I learned to lie to get by. So, a lot of us suffer PTSD because we are stuck and we don’t know what to do,” he said, using the abbreviation for post-traumatic stress disorder.
Chan also said that there are no specific profiles for sexual offenders and that “anyone of any gender can commit the crime to anyone at any time of the day.”
“They act during the situation that they feel the most powerful and comfortable. And, they abuse the power hierarchy where we respect elders to ‘groom’ their victims,” he said.
Freedom Film Network also roped in filmmaker Laura Low Jia Xin to assist Joshua on the documentary film since Joshua is a first-time filmmaker.
“Just hearing the stories made me feel very heavy and tremendous anger because all the three profiles, at some point, tried to tell people close to them but to no avail.
“Initially, Joshua wanted to tell this story in animation but I felt animation won’t do justice to the stories and logistics-wise, we have limited time for production.
“Instead, the victims narrate the story with voice overs while we revisit the spaces where the incidents happened, highlighting the things and textures within the spaces.
“It was just as powerful and impactful,” she said.
Low also urged families to teach children about good touch and bad touch to protect them against sexual predators.
“Nothing Gentle in The Shadows” premiered on August 3 at FreedomFilmFest 2024 at PJ Live Arts in Jaya One. The film festival will run until August 24 and free passes are available here.
