KUALA LUMPUR, May 24 — They are a generation that has developed a reputation for narcissism and given the world numerous sexual abbreviations such as NSA, DTF, and FWB (Google is your friend here, Gen X-ers and baby boomers).
But is that image of self indulgence and casual relationships deserved? According to an online survey by Malay Mail Online, the answer is yes and no.
When it comes to dating, these 18 to 32-year-olds said it is “less formal, less obligations, less expectations and less familial pressure” compared to previous generations.
In the survey, over nine in 10 respondents said they would date someone from another race but one in 10 said religion would stop them from dating someone.
Many of the millennials when interviewed, told Malay Mail Online that the benefit of dating someone from outside your race is the opportunity to learn about a different culture.“I love getting to know somebody with a different culture, with a different religion, something different from my own because there is so much to learn about the person,” one of the survey participants, 29-year-old Choo May Kuen said in an interview.
Senior lecturer at Monash University Dr Yeoh Seng Guan said the survey results were not surprising as it is a global trend where for the younger generation, especially living in cosmopolitan and metropolitan centres, conventional social identity markers like ethnicity, religion and place of origin, matter less than “individual self-fulfilment” and “interpersonal compatibility”.
This correlation is not necessarily automatic nor is it a “radically new trend”, he pointed out.
Historically, he said these kinds of boundary-crossing liaisons have already occurred much in Southeast Asia, which is a crossroads of many cultures.
“In the contemporary milieu, it is the freedom, vibrancy and comparative anonymity found in metropolitan centres where individuals often find the courage to push the boundaries of conventional social behaviour and racialised interpersonal relations if they so choose,” he said in an e-mail interview.
Sociologist Dr Hew Cheng Sim, an associate professor at the Universiti Malaysia Sarawak, said with urban millennials in particular will “certainly be more liberal and exposed to a wider world view” than the generation before them because they were brought up with the presence of the Internet.
“My own research in Sarawak showed that their parents were more concerned about their children marrying outside of their religion than they do about ethnicity.
“One quote that I often hear is ‘A family that prays together, stays together’,” she told Malay Mail Online in an e-mail interview.
The responses Malay Mail Online obtained during street interviews appeared to support this, as the millennials’ readiness to date outside of their race did not extend so freely towards going out with people of other faiths.“When couples have the same religion, and belief, it’s easier. It doesn’t matter if they marry a Muslim or someone from another religion,” 29-year-old Nurzianty Abdullah told Malay Mail Online.
In Malaysia, Shariah law essentially requires Muslims to only wed other Muslims, meaning that interfaith relationships must end in Islam if marriage comes into the picture.
Although there is technically an exemption for men who can demonstrate that they are members of the other Abrahamic faiths, such as Christianity and Judaism, this is rarely enough applied to be non-existent.
“With a certain religion in Malaysia, because of the laws, it’s a bit hard to have a relationship with someone from a different religion,” Gary George, 29, said without specifically naming Islam.
When asked about being in a relationship, 45 per cent said it “happens only if it’s at the right time” while a third said it “something that needs to be given a lot of consideration”; only 15 per cent said it is the natural course in life.
Sex before marriage, a taboo especially in an Asian country such as Malaysia, did not seem to stop them from indulging, with almost 40 per cent saying they have engaged in it
Twenty-eight per cent also said they have had casual sexual flings, while more than one in five said they have had one-night stands.
Attitudes towards premarital sex were also relaxed, with 85 per cent saying it was not necessary to wait until marriage to have sex.
Despite their casual approach to sex, however, millennials picked loyalty and intelligence as the two most important traits in their partners, over looks and wealth.
Explaining the openness to sex, Hew pointed out that the age of first marriage was increasing from one generation to another, which made it “unrealistic” to expect people to defer sexual activity when they are marrying ever later in life.
“After all, the millennials have enjoyed the democratisation of education and contraception is easily and cheaply available.
“So, yes, they are different from their parents’ generation but this is not at all surprising because every generation is different from the previous one.
“We should be startled if it is not different,” she said.
According to the Statistics Department, women in 1970 got married at the average age of 21.2, which dropped to 19.4 years old a decade later. The figures for men were not available for this period.
In 2000, however, the average increased to 25.1 and rose further to 25.8 in 2010. Men saw a slight decrease, from 28.7 to 28, in the same period.
However, there are some millennials who remain conservative and view marriage as sacred, and that sex should wait until then.
Priyenshar Sebastian, 22, said while she does not judge friends who engage in premarital sex, she felt sexual relations should only be with her married partner.
“I know it sounds very traditional, to me I believe in keeping myself pure for the guy, not only physically, emotionally, but in all forms just for that one person.
“It is something I want to share with someone special, not just with any Tom, Dick and Harry and there are so many guys out there who are just waiting for that girl to just be their next target.
“I don’t wanna be that girl,” she said.
Despite the lack of sex education in school, 95 per cent of the participants said they think it is important to use protection and/or contraceptives.
Also bucking the perceived popularity of hookup apps such as Tinder among their generation, most participants said they met their current or previous partners in person through school or work (37 per cent) followed by through mutual friends, 27 per cent.
Only 8 per cent met via online dating sites or apps, and 3 per cent met on social media.
“I don’t meet guys online because I don’t believe in that, and because I see a lot of scams,” 26-year-old Nurul Amirah Zulkafli said, although she admitted a lot of her friends do.
Priyenshar shared the same sentiment and said a person might portray themselves as being “this awesome person” online but one can never be sure.
When asked what they think was the biggest difference in dating and socialising compared to their parents’ generation, most of them pointed to the existence of the Internet and how the dating game was more “structured” then.
“People back then had no access to the social media and, as such, had less temptations. They tried to make things work.
“The younger generation now have much more choices as they are more exposed. There is less inclination to give and take,” one of the participants wrote.
The sentiment of having more choices and access may not be a good thing in searching for a partner was frequently repeated in the responses.
“We now have width instead of depth when it comes to getting to know people,” Choo said.
The two-week survey was conducted online at the end of March and polled 60 respondents.
