KUALA LUMPUR, Feb 5 — More than just wedding emcees, they are timekeepers, guides, and custodians of age-old traditions.
In Chinese culture, a dai kam jie, or “bridal chaperone” in the Cantonese dialect, plays a vital role in ensuring that couples and their families navigate the complex rituals of marriage with grace and precision.
For centuries, the role of a dai kam jie has been reserved for elderly women, often viewed as strict guardians of tradition.
But today, a new generation of dai kam jie is reshaping the profession, blending heritage with modern sensibilities to keep Chinese wedding customs relevant in an evolving world.
Among them is Dary Chong, a 37-year-old who has spent the past decade proving that gender is no barrier to mastering this once female-only profession.
“When I was young, I discovered an affinity for Chinese traditional weddings due to their cultural vibrancy and the overall celebratory spirit of the occasion.
“My initial impression of a dai kam jie was that of an old, fierce aunty, but all of that changed when I attended a friend’s wedding, and a dai kam jie shattered the stereotype I had.
“She wasn’t your typical dai kam jie, and that mesmerised me. The way she hosted the tea ceremony completely changed my view, and eventually, she became my mentor,” he told Malay Mail in a recent interview.
A modern path to an ancient profession
A former bank telemarketer with over 12 years of experience, Chong recalled how his late mentor, Madam Lok Ngan (Cantonese for “Six Silver”), was at first hesitant but later willing to pass down her knowledge.
“She was considered one of the elites at the time, and as such, was very selective about the people she chose to take under her wing.
“When I began apprenticing, the approach was more traditional and hands-on, with her providing me with scripts and having me accompanying her during work,” he said.
Despite his gender, Chong said the essence of being a dai kam jie has remained unchanged over the years, with their primary role being that of a wedding emcee and chaperone.
“Traditionally, they serve as the bride’s helper.
“But in modern times, they don’t just assist the newlyweds; they also guide the parents through the intricate rituals and traditions of the Chinese wedding ceremony.
“It’s also important to note that we are very particular about punctuality and ‘gat si’ (Cantonese for ‘auspicious time’).
“This is why we’re often known as timekeepers, ensuring everything is performed at the correct time,” he said.
A dai kam jie oversees five key ceremonies, each with its own significance:
- Guo Da Li (betrothal and exchange of gifts)
- An Chuang (setting the matrimonial bed and dowry)
- Shang Tou (hair combing ceremony to symbolise adulthood)
- Wedding day rituals (prayers, tea ceremonies and auspicious blessings)
- Returning gifts to the bride’s family as a sign of gratitude
Couples typically engage a dai kam jie two to six months before their wedding date to ensure smooth coordination and avoid miscommunication.
As such, modern dai kam jie are now equipped with knowledge of various Chinese dialect groups, emceeing skills, and organisational expertise to cater to different clientele.
While there is no fixed rate, a professional dai kam jie in the Klang Valley can earn between RM900 and RM2,000 per wedding, depending on the service area, experience, and the couple’s requirements.
The fee, which includes a pre-wedding consultation and emceeing on the wedding day, is typically paid in two parts — a deposit (usually half the total) upon booking confirmation, with the balance settled on or shortly after the wedding day.
The dai kam jie Malay Mail spoke to said most of their clients find them through word of mouth, while the rest come via their Facebook page.
Breaking barriers: A new generation steps in
Like Chong, 35-year-old Goh Lee Qoon is part of the new wave of dai kam jie redefining the profession.
A producer by day, Goh developed a deep fascination with Chinese weddings and saw an opportunity to preserve tradition while making it more accessible to younger generations.
After training under Chong, she officially became a dai kam jie in 2020.
Initially, her parents were sceptical, unsure if it was a sustainable profession. But as she gained more experience, their doubts faded.
“Perhaps in the future, my current job could be replaced by artificial intelligence, but as a dai kam, experience becomes more invaluable with age,” she said, adding that she started this as a side gig in 2020.
As a dai kam jie, Goh sees it as her duty to educate and guide couples to ensure they are fully prepared for their big day.
“Couples can choose whether they prefer a more detailed or simpler ceremony, and our role is to guide them through the steps based on their respective Chinese subgroups,” she said.
One of the greatest challenges, she noted, is the language barrier and the different traditions of various Chinese subgroups.
Juggling between Hokkien, Cantonese, and Hakka customs requires extensive knowledge and adaptability.
Another challenge is the resistance from older dai kam jie, some of whom are unwilling to pass down their knowledge.
“I aim to bridge the gap between generations, helping more people appreciate that both have their strengths — even as we modern dai kam have refined and simplified some ceremonial steps.” she said.
Preserving traditions in a modern era
Both Chong and Goh believe that being a dai kam jie requires a mix of passion, adaptability, and strong people skills.
“You need to be approachable and easy-going. Don’t hesitate to ask questions and never pretend to know everything.
“Loving what you do is essential — without it, the extensive notes and memorisation of subgroup customs can feel overwhelming.
“Above all, don’t see this as just a job for a paycheck,” Goh said.
Chong echoed similar sentiments, stressing that commitment and dedication are key.
They both emphasised that the role of dai kam jie extends beyond that of a wedding chaperone — it is also about cultural preservation.
“We must modernise and simplify the ceremony so that younger people recognise and embrace Chinese wedding traditions, while still preserving enough of the old customs to keep the older generation happy.
“The influx of young people is crucial to sustaining this age-old profession. With new blood reconnecting with their cultural roots, we can keep it alive. Otherwise, we risk being left with only a handful of dai kam in the future,” Chong said.
Goh added that, regardless of how modern Chinese weddings become, the presence of a dai kam jie still holds significance.
“Dai kam jie still play an important role in Chinese culture by ensuring couples uphold the fundamentals of a traditional wedding, even if some choose not to hire one.
“This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience for the newlyweds,” she said.
