NEW YORK, Aug 30 — “Let them” are the new watchwords for expressing the need to let go. Whether it’s with your friends, or with your partner, this theory building up buzz on social networks can help you accept that you can’t control everything.
Have you ever been disappointed by the behaviour of a relative or friend? Have you ever wanted them to change to meet your expectations? If so, there’s a solution. And it’s not about changing them — it can be summed up in two words: “let them.” In short, whenever someone doesn’t behave the way you want them to, it’s important to recognise that you can’t change another person and need to let them be who they are or do what they want. This “let them” theory was popularised by celebrity coach Mel Robbins, also a podcast host. It all started with a video posted in May on her Instagram account. Here’s what she explains: “If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, let them. If the person you’re attracted to is not interested in a commitment, let them. so much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations.”
Accept other people as they are
With this theory, Mel Robbins touts the benefits that can be achieved from letting those around us reveal who they are and observing this. “And then you get to choose what you do next,” adds the coach. And the concept has won plaudits from internet users. To date, the video has racked up over 1.4 million likes. Whether it’s a friend or a partner, the “let them” concept could help you not only to accept those around you as they are, but also to accept yourself. And at the same time, be a kind of emotional balm.
Clinical psychologist and mental health expert Dr Sophie Mort has weighed in on the theory. She told Glamour UK, “We often feel the urge to control or persuade people to be who we want them to be, in part because we think that is the right thing to do, and in part because we want to manage our own anxiety and uncertainty that arises around other people’s behavior.” She adds, “The issue is, when we try to shape other people’s behavior, we often end up disappointed, frustrated and exhausted.”
In reality, the “let them” theory is not so new. Although it is not clinically recognised in the medical field, it is based on already existing psychological theories, as Dr. Mort explains to the British magazine. Indeed, it draws its precepts from a psychotherapy, called ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy), based on “ideas of acceptance, detachment, mindfulness and personal responsibility.” It is recognised for helping patients to accept their thoughts and feelings without judgment.
And in real life, how does it work?
Nevertheless, on a day-to-day basis, we’re faced with complex situations, where the “Let Them” theory might not work in our favour. In an episode of her podcast, Mel Robbins makes it clear that the “Let Them” theory isn’t an invitation for people to walk all over you or others. “If you see something dangerous or discriminatory happening, speak up and take control of the situation,” she declared. “The expert also adds that this theory doesn’t apply when it comes to standing up for your rights.
The “Let Them Theory” is essentially about letting go when you have no control over a particular event, so as not to waste energy and time, and to minimise these sources of stress. Of course, this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take action when the situation allows or warrants it. — ETX Studio
