LOS ANGELES, April 14 —A stay-at-home husband is a guy who decides to stay at home to take care of domestic chores, childcare and the home. It’s a role that’s not always easy to shoulder, but one which some househusbands have decided to show off loudly and proudly on social networks. Their videos total millions of views, especially on TikTok, where they sometimes meet with criticism and incomprehension.
After tradwives — the throwback 1950s-style housewives — it’s now stay-at-home husbands or boyfriends who are carving out a niche on social networks. They sweep the floors, do the shopping, do the laundry and prepare food for their sweethearts. Scrolling on TikTok, it seems that more and more of them are stepping out of the shadows. On the Chinese social network, the hashtag #stayathomehusband has nearly 144 million views. And it seems like they’re on a mission to prove that househusbands are by no means ashamed of their social status.
Among the most popular stay-at-home husband accounts is the one run by the Californian couple Maya and Hunter, followed by more than a million users. It was after noticing a lack of visibility of househusbands, that Hunter decided to showcase his daily life. It all started in April 2022, when the couple went viral on the web with a video, entitled “A day in the life of a stay at home husband”, totalling 1.6 million views. In the video, Hunter goes to the store to run errands and buys flowers for his wife, which he puts in a vase. He vacuums, while his wife relaxes on the couch. His motto: “Follow to end the patriarchy.”
Their account soon received a flurry of positive comments: “I love your relationship, you work as a team”, “Where can I find a man like yours?”. Still, stay-at-home husbands like Hunter are viewed negatively by some social media users. In an interview with Buzzfeed, Hunter said: “We plan to continue spreading our message of equality in a relationship regardless of a few hate comments because, at the end of the day, we truly believe that a partnership must be equal in order to succeed.” By showcasing themselves as perfect stay-at-home husbands, these men are confronted with sexist and misogynistic remarks questioning their status as “men”.
For many decades, husbands were the main source of household income in most societies. This is no longer true. Women may now even contribute more to household finances than their spouses. The proportion of US women who earn more than their spouses has increased over the past few decades, from 4 per cent in 1970 to 22 per cent in 2007, according to data from the Pew Research Centre.
Following the hype around Maya and Hunter, other similar TikTok accounts have emerged. There is, for example, the account @noahsimonian (45,000 followers), run by Noah, who stays at home while his wife goes out to work. He films himself going about all his day-to-day activities as a stay-at-home husband. “She is your husband, not wife”, “You just don’t have a job”, can be read among the comments posted in response to his videos. But as Noah explains in one of his clips, he is not looking for a job, because his wife wants to be the only one to bring income into their home. A choice he perfectly accepts, and which he even jokes about with no embarrassment or inhibition.
@noahsimonian Cant wait to take her out for dinner Breadwinner:@sylviathegnomad #househusband #stayathomehusband #workingwife #capcut #couplegoals New Home by Austin Farwell - GetByBus
Meanwhile, Layla The Nurse features videos from a nurse and her stay-at-home husband in Virginia. In 2020, she explained in one of her videos that her husband quit his job so that she could live her dream of being a travel nurse, which requires moving around constantly to fill temporary positions. He now manages the finances of running their home and does the household chores while she works at the hospital.
This new social media visibility of stay-at-home husbands intends to show the world that both husbands and wives can contribute to a well-functioning household, while also confronting prejudices and misconceptions. Other, more humorous videos take a more light-hearted approach to what it means to be a house husband. A series of videos titled “Would you be a stay at home dad if your wife made over US$500,000 a year?” has also gone viral on social media, showing that any man could effectively decide to become a househusband overnight. According to a 2015 study from the Boston College Centre for Work and Family, half of millennial men would be willing to stop working if their wives made enough money.
In the culture sector too, househusband characters are becoming more visible. Take George Nakai in the Netflix series Beef. This stay-at-home husband sacrificed his career as an artist in order to allow his wife to start her own gallery. He can be the target of criticism from the other characters due to his social status, and he is reproached for taking on a “woman’s” role. This character comes under fire on social media too. “How’s George gonna make money once they split up? Def. not with his ugly ass art”, reads one such tweet. Another tweet says: “George is an untalented man baby keeping Junie down. Divorcing her was her blessing.” Meanwhile, one internet user comments: “I’m not going to be as harsh on George as everyone else is. He’s a fool, but if the roles were reversed he’d just be seen as a damsel in distress housewife who got lonely.” — ETX Studio
