KUALA LUMPUR, Feb 14 — Valentine’s Day may be a day to exchange gifts for some or go out on a special date to commemorate their relationship milestone for others.
Then there are those who fight with each other due to their other half not fulfilling their expectations on Valentine’s Day.
Relationship experts chime in on Valentine’s Day
Professional counsellor Faith Foo who specialises in treating relationship issues, said that for a healthy couple, Valentine’s Day should be a special occasion for them to celebrate love in a way that feels meaningful and fun to both of them.
She added that a disappointing Valentine’s Day will unravel relationships that are unstable.
“Valentine’s Day is filled with love, affection, gifts and everything in between. But the pressure of getting a date and romantic gestures defeats the real purpose of this day.
“The problem comes when both partners expect exclusive, special gifts from each other when they themselves are not willing to spend or put in the same effort.
“They key is don’t focus too much on giving the most expensive gift but rather focus on spending quality time with the ones you love the most,” Faith said, adding that Valentine’s Day also gives out the pressure of needing to have someone to spend the day with.
Faith also pointed out that Valentine’s Day could also bring out emotional pain such as suppressed feelings of worthlessness, anger, anxiousness, and comparison amongst couples.
“If this happens, then Valentine’s Day will not be the day the couple would look forward to.
“Valentine’s Day is just one day of the year and if that is the only time we make an effort towards our loved ones, then the question is are we putting enough thought and care into our relationship?
“It is the little effort, commitment and time spent together every day that counts,” she said.
Clinical psychologist and full member of the Malaysian Society of Clinical Psychology, Sam Jeng Mun said that relationship issues arise when couples don’t provide the appropriate ‘love languages’ for each other.
She explained that when a couple views Valentine’s Day as a special and important day, both of them need to take the initiative and use this opportunity to demonstrate their love languages to each other.
“Especially for couples who are usually busy with their schedules, they can use this opportunity to demonstrate that they care and appreciate each other on this dedicated day.
“This could greatly improve the romantic aspect of the relationship between couples,” she said.
Touching on Valentine’s Day unrealistic expectations, Sam highlighted that these expectations couples have are usually a product of self-comparison with other couples attributed by social media.
“Due to the whole pandemic situation that has been with us for the past two years plus, many of us have increased the usage of social media whether it’s for businesses, information sharing as well as entertainment.
“There are many who have used social media as a platform to share information and products relating to Valentine’s Day.
“Because of this, individuals who are on social media may use it to compare themselves and this will affect their emotions when they did not receive the gifts that they wanted or wish they’ve gotten (in comparison to others),” Sam said.
She added that couples should see Valentine’s Day as a good time to build their relationships and understand each other better instead of comparing themselves with others.
Malaysian couples share about expectations
For husband and wife, Helmi Anuar and Amira Nadia who have been together since 2010, Valentine’s Day has figured on their calendar as they felt the expectations were just pointless.
“To create unnecessary pressure on your partner for them to get expensive gifts or to take you out to a five-star restaurant is just plain selfish.
“The thought of NOT getting an exclusive gift demeans the real meaning of love.
“Love towards your partner should be shown every single day regardless of what day it is, and that definitely would be helpful. Why make this particular day so special when you can make every day special,” said the husband and wife.
For lovebirds Aqill Harry and Ariesya Farha who have been together for over four years however, Valentine’s Day is a special day to them.
Both of them believed that every couple has their own manner of communicating their love to their companion.
“‘Unrealistic’ sounds bizarre, some are just hoping for something out of the ordinary, something that does not always happen to them, just to feel valuable,” they said.
As Muz and Leng who have been together for over a year, they see Valentine’s Day as a socially constructed celebration in today’s time with society views it as a ‘must-have’ milestone in one’s relationships journey despite it being forbidden in some religions.
Both of them agree that the majority of couples they knew were influenced by mass media when it comes to having unrealistic expectations on Valentine’s Day.
“As a couple, I’d like to believe that every day is a new beginning and there are plenty of opportunities to express love and gratitude towards your partner.
“It doesn’t have to necessarily be on a certain day to excessively shower sweet words and gifts just to be on the same bandwagon as the rest.
“Love should be intimate and private between two individuals,” Leng said.
