OCTOBER 12 — "Sudah bubar parlimen, Na.”

Of all people I did not expect my mother to text me about the event we knew was coming, while hoping was not happening soon.

My mother has always faithfully turned up to vote come election day and for her it also means her children might have an excuse to visit.

There is no choosing to vote or not to vote; for my mother it is just something that needs to be done, like hanging out the laundry.

"Choose wisely” is a phrase that will be trotted out, much like an umbrella on rainy days and this election will prove to be a very rainy one, I fear.

Yet what I fear most is not what the people will choose; they will make their choice and I will respect it.

What I’m wary of is the choice of candidates and seats. It’s always such an exhausting state of affairs abounding with needless drama.

Political parties of late have been reliable at just one thing — elevating candidates of such incredibly mediocre standing, it’s no wonder politics is such a popular career choice.

Why bother studying, Malaysian children must wonder, when they can become a politician and just buy a degree certificate?

Why work hard, when you can build connections and network, to the point where you can get seats on boards of directors without even knowing anything about the industry of said board?

Malaysian politics seems to be a wonderful place for those with few achievements or talents besides knowing the right people. Why bother with skills? Why study at prestigious institutions? Just go into politics, where the money and the influence is.

I know that it would be a sad day for Malaysian media if we didn’t have easy fodder for our headlines. Our politicians say so many things that are just too easy to put at the title of a story with no further embellishment needed.

Yet I wish that our parties would at least make an effort at choosing fewer embarrassing candidates. Maybe, no matter their rank in the party, forgo nominating the ones with pending court cases?

Perhaps, be really careful at vetting them so you won’t find out on nomination day that they’re unqualified due to past criminal records or financial insolvency?

I know quite a few celebrities are now tossing their hats into the political ring but if you must choose those with fame, perhaps also choose those with a hope of displaying leadership qualities?

Yes, Malaysia is a country where who you know often trumps what you know but is it too much to ask for most of the candidates to be at the very least, competent?

I am rather tired of having so many of our politicians, and in our Cabinet, of being a lot less useful than my peppermint plant.

My peppermint plant stoically deals with my taking its leaves to make tea and thriving despite my lack of experience and its less than ideal potting soil.

Our Cabinet is why I vehemently oppose nuclear power in Malaysia because we will likely have power plants staffed by sons of some politican’s brother-in-law’s cousin’s colleague’s futsal teammates.

I can picture the Netflix retelling of a Malaysian Chernobyl disaster where the plant goes into meltdown because the sub-contractor didn’t get paid enough by the crony who got the original contract to build it.

"Why isn’t the emergency shutdown button working?”

"Oh that’s just for decoration. Sub-contractor said he didn’t get his final payment.”

I am not asking for much, politicians. Realistically I should because it is literally your job to serve. At the very least could we have politicians who would not do any of the following:

• Suggest warm water as a Covid treatment
• Carry on cutting cake and giving speeches while half of Klang Valley (including my roof) is under water
• Give dangerous cooking demonstrations where an insecticide spray is right next to the gas cooker while you cook on high heat
• Smile while a celebrity spouts sexist drivel next to you for a viral video
• Insist that orangutans are dangerous predators at palm oil plantations
• Exit a party, deny they’re joining another party, then later announce they’ve joined the party they deny having anything to do with

In the meantime what the rest of us Malaysians can do is provide support for the many people who will be affected by the floods. Because, as always, no one is better at looking after Malaysians than actual Malaysians.

* This is the personal opinion of the columnist.