JANUARY 16 — Remember that scene in Karate Kid (2010) where Mr Han (played by Jackie Chan) spent months cleaning and fixing his car — only to thrash it? Through great sobs, Han explained his widower-hood to his apprentice (Dre Parker, played to cocky perfection by Jaden Smith), about how he was driving home one night with his wife and kid in his car, about how a (petty) argument ensued between him and his wife, how his anger caused him to lose control, causing the car to crash, killing his family.

The question is: Why did Mr Han repeat that process of fixing-then-smashing-then-fixing-then-smashing his car? Why did he have to go through a whole year of caring for the car, only to wreck it and start the whole cycle again?

This "practice" (if we can call it that) is even weirder given how Mr Han is portrayed in the film as generally matured, learned and self-controlled (in contrast to his proud and dumb-ass student). Why did this wise old man have to perform this bizarre and time-wasting "ritual" every year? Granted the car is connected to the loss of his family, how does this give meaning to his actions?

One possible answer is this: Whenever the human subject experiences a great trauma — is there any other kind of trauma? — the unconscious mind, in an act of "protection", covers up the event.

Our psyche thus creates a "gap" in a stream of consciousness. Our inner sub-mental flow is disrupted; there is a "jump" in the LRT train-tracks of our unconscious, a jump which our conscious minds then seek to revisit over and over again.

Trauma removes our ability to remember, and thus we are compelled to return constantly to the "site" of the pain, to the break/fissure/wound in our hearts. Hence, Freud’s haunting motto: What we can’t remember, we are destined to repeat.

Under this framework, Mr Han’s irrational re-performing of cleaning-then-destroying his car reflected a traumatised desire to return (over and over again) to the place of his greatest sorrow.

Such repetition, obviously, can produce vicious results. Especially if the repetition becomes an end in itself i.e. when returning to a site of sorrow ceases to have a purpose other than the act itself.

Perhaps this helps explain why some folks, despite knowing how much damage Barisan Nasional has visited on the country, continue voting for them? It’s what they’ve been doing all their life, the very thought of change scares them.

Perhaps this is why some Islamic terrorists feel the need to suicide-attack (even) fellow Islamic countries? Actual peace or even the absence of violence is terrifying to them.

Perhaps this is why some corporate types continue abusing their power and inflicting harm on the less powerful? Because the idea of acting responsibly goes against their neurotic desire to appear "successful."

The trauma of 1969

Could the above explain our nation’s "obsession" with May 13? May 13 created a lesion in Malaysia’s political unconscious. Like a toothache which renders our oral constellation awry and painful and "pleasurable" at the same time, we have to keep returning to the spot.

We can’t help but remember and re-enact, "re-play" the tragedy of the worst racial riots in Malaysia.

And I’m not only talking about Umno pre-election speeches cum battle-cries. The ruling regime "returns" to May 13 by way of threats and war-drums. But the Opposition (and many "decent" Malaysians) also "return" to May 13 by way of pretending it was a merely an aberration.

Notice how we practically hate to talk about May 13 in "polite" company? How we eagerly move on to more "multi-cultural" topics like which smart-phone takes the best selfie? How exaggeratedly friendly we behave towards each other each time a May 13-ish issue arises? And how quickly we condemn BN for raising it every now and then?

It’s like we’re terrified to broach the subject. Or, put in reverse, we keep returning to the act of covering it up. Why? Is it because there is zero per cent racism inside us (unlike those dastardly immoral buggers in certain parties!) or because we fear encountering it in its (possibly) high percentage?

This is why Slavoj Zizek inverted Freud’s phrase: What we refuse to repeat, we are destined to remember. Or, what we don’t "deal with”, we are bound to obsess over.

Back to Mr Han. It’s easy to look at his actions and conclude that he’s in a pathetic state. But whilst granted it’s a bit bizarre for him to re-create and re-destroy his car continually, such actions are far better than, say, denying the accident (which killed his family) ever happened.

Better to psychically re-enact a calamity than white-wash it. Of course, whilst Mr Han should eventually quit this ritual (which could become destructive if it controls him), the ritual was nevertheless necessary. We’re not OK, but that’s OK

So maybe the ethnic imperative for Malaysia is to STOP talking about how "fascinating" our cultures are. Maybe the way forward for the Chinese is NOT to "listen to" Indians and Malays. Maybe Malays should QUIT trying to "explore" the Chinese and Indian mindset. And perhaps Indians should care LESS about "learning from" the Chinese and Malays.

Especially if such actions are nothing but proxies to "hide" our inability to deal with something like May 13. Especially if "learning" and "dialogue" are ways in which we cover up our own racism.

Maybe it’s just time we all came out and admitted that we’re all messed up.

All three ethnicities have suffered at the hands of our colonial masters. The Brits manipulated everybody to keep trade going (no, they didn’t travel all this way to collect butterflies). Economic exploitation-wise, nobody had it worse than the Indians. And as a result of the Japs, the Malays and Chinese gave each other mutual bloodbaths.

We’re all messed up; we’ve messed each other up.

"I am a Malay/Chinese/Indian. I can’t manage on my own. I need help.”

When I affirm my weaknesses to you, and you confess yours to me, maybe this can constitute new common ground i.e. the affliction of shared trauma.

Maybe the Chinese should confess that no matter how wealthy they are, they’re forever hanging on to sanity by a thin thread: "Make money or die - nothing in life is more important!” Maybe Indians should say that they’ve come to enjoy playing the victim card: "Pity me – please?!” Maybe Malays should affirm they’re afraid that they can’t handle an even playing field: "We’re the dominant race in this country, okay?! Really, believe us! We are!”

"I am a Malay/Chinese/Indian. I’m weak and I’m hurting.”

If we keep hiding our shame to the world, we’ll eventually hide it from ourselves. Reminds me of a tourism video i.e. you get the impression our country consists of nothing but KLCC and KL Tower.

Welcome to Malaysia — Truly Asia and Fully Superficial.

But if we open up and let the other vulnerable, afraid and different person in, then we can have at least one thing in common which is not superficial: our pain. And when we share our pain with each other? It has the power to make us more patient, kind, tolerant, aggressively compassionate (see Note 1).

Then we can stop going back (or avoiding) our greatest pain. And move the hell on.

Note 1: For the academically inclined, check out my paper A Primordial Anxiety: Ontological Trauma and Ethnic Solidarity in Malaysia, on how ethnicity can be reconceptualised via trauma.

* This is the personal opinion of the columnist